Getting off the hamster wheel can be hard, tricky and a general pain in the ass. The level of frustration, shame and general disgust of my lack of self control. I know better, I am better, and I am sensing others are catching on to my behaviors. This frightens me and I am afraid I am setting a bad example for my boys.
So, how do you slow the hamster wheel down enough to jump off? Cause you know if you just jump off, you will jump right back on. And once you slow it down how do you ensure you don’t look for another hamster wheel to start a new cycle of destruction.
Every once in a while the hamster wheel slows enough that you realize you don’t have to remain there and you feel amazing, strong, you immediately know the difference so why not just stay off the hamster wheel?
Lack of tools? Lack of self control? Insecure? The mess of everything around us too big to take in? For me it is all of these things. It is seriously time to get the hell off the hamster wheel for good or I am going to trip and fall way too far down to ever get off.
So, how do you know the time is right? When do you make that call and then hold yourself to it? I don’t know the right answer but for me the mess in the mirror is getting just too much to take. The lines I said I would not cross are becoming more and more blurry and inside myself – deep inside – I know the time is right. The nagging in my soul and in my heart are getting too much to bear and the mess too big to clean up by myself.
The time is right when even you know you are bit too far gone and you see a look from someone who loves you and you know they are afraid and they are not sure how to look at you anymore. That was the signal that my time was up! Enough was enough, now I am trying to figure out how I stay the hell away from the hamster wheel but I know what to do, when to reach out and how to move forward.
I just keep remember that look and how my soul cried out to me and said just STOP!